


What You Want and Wanted

by moonmoth (greyvvardenfell)



Series: Moth & Raven: Canon-Compliant [4]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Dry Humping, F/M, Premature Ejaculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:15:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23588254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyvvardenfell/pseuds/moonmoth
Summary: Reyja and Julian's conversation in the library was significantly more physical than canon would indicate...
Relationships: Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Julian Devorak/Original Character(s)
Series: Moth & Raven: Canon-Compliant [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099187
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	What You Want and Wanted

“I’m sorry, Reyja. For everything.” Julian pauses, his eyes downcast to avoid mine. “I’m so sorry.”

Books jab into my back, the shelf's hard line cutting a horizontal crease into my skin with how close we are. I never thought I would get to feel his body like this again.

“I… I don’t know what I was thinking, rejecting you like I did,” he continues. “I truly meant, ah, what I said back at Mazelinka’s.” Cautiously, he peeks at me from under his lashes. “If there’s a way, I would— erm, I want to make something with you. Something real.”

I stay quiet. If I speak, I’m sure this illusion will break and I’ll be back in my cold bed over the shop again, alone and weeping.

Julian takes it in stride, his uncovered eye tracing my features. “I hope I’ve made it clear that I find you, ahhh… very, very attractive. Be-because I do. Everything about you.” Blood rushes to his face, staining his pale cheeks crimson. He draws a shuddering breath and finally meets my gaze fully. “And by some miracle, you seem to see something attractive in me too.”

I want to touch him. I want to tell him that he’s the miracle, not me. I want to be with him so much I can’t seem to breathe around the lump that still lingers in my throat, insisting that he’s lying or just feels bad for me or… or… 

His voice drops to a whisper. “I want to spend all the time I have left with you. However long or short that may be. I want… oh god, I want you, Reyja. But—”

But?

“But what do _you_ want? If I ruined this, I’ll accept that.” He grimaces. “If you can’t forgive me for how I hurt you, I… well, that would be wise, I think. And I still can’t promise to keep you safe, but damn me, right now that’s a risk I'm prepared to take. I would give my life if it meant yours wouldn’t be in danger.” His arms tremble, braced on the books behind me. “But that’s all I can offer.”

That’s all? That’s _all?_ That’s everything! Everything he has… and he really wants to give it to me? My heart clenches.

Julian swallows hard. His brows are peaked, forehead wrinkled with worry. “What do you want me to do?” he breathes.

Time contracts. I see every dust mote in the sunbeam that slashes through the library. I see a halo around the auburn hair that cascades down the side of his face. I see the dark stubble clouding his cheeks and throat, a product of the long, dreary night he spent at the Raven. I see the heavy purple crescents under his eyes, the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallows again, the sheer longing that hums through every line of tension in him, so sharp and painful I can’t look at it too closely in case it drags me under. I see his lips, parting to ask me something else.

I don’t let him.

My tongue finds his, hot and perfect, as we kiss more deeply than I’ve dared to allow before. Compared to our last attempt, clumsy with desperation and despair, this is molten. I try to pour everything I think of him, everything that drew me to him from the start, into it; what I want to say is beyond words. He whimpers before twining his arms around my shoulders and burying his fingers in my hair, pulling me closer. In return, I bring one hand to his jaw, adoring the scratch of stubble against my palm.

It could be seconds or hours later, but eventually he breaks away. Not far, just enough to rest his forehead on mine, breathing heavily. 

“What is it?” I ask.

His eye lights up at the sound of my voice. “Oh, dearest Reyja, what can I say? What can I say to you now?” He leans down to kiss me again. “Ahh, it’s neither the time nor the place for confessions like this, but my god. I prided myself on my strength of will at Mazelinka’s and yet all I could think about as soon as I walked away was the scent of your hair, the way your luscious body moved under my hands, how much I—” He cuts himself off with a strangled moan. “What a stupid, stupid man I was to let that opportunity slip through my fingers.”

He bites his lip and lets his gaze fall into a simmer. 

“I didn’t realize I could want so much, and find it all in the same person,” he admits. “In you. I… I know that, erm. I know I would be your first, in, ha, in more ways than one. Believe me, if we had the time I would do everything in my power to make the start of— the start of _us_ something special. Your first time should be rose petals, candlelight, the works.” I thrill to hear the rumble of his laughter in his chest. The tips of his gloved fingers skate down my cheek to touch my lips as he smiles. “Ahem. Not just _that_ first time. Not that I don't want to, ah... when we get to that part, of course. If that's what you want. You deserve so much more than a quick rut, darling.”

Is that who I am now? His darling? His dearest? I pull him to me again, if only to prove to myself that he’s real, and his grin disappears in a gasp of desire. Between his thighs, I can feel his cock stiffening. Is that truly who I am now? Someone who can produce a reaction like that in someone like him?

Hearing him talk about it is one thing, but feeling the physical response against my stomach is another. I’m old for a first relationship, and an old virgin too. In my mind the two have always been inextricably linked, though I know that isn't always the case. But I've wondered for so long what it must be like, to be desired and appreciated like that. Wanted, over and over again.

I harbor no illusions that sex is a magical experience or that I’ll be fundamentally changed by it. Romance, too, felt so far out of reach that it hurt to think about. But now I’m being confronted by an opportunity at both, though if the tent of his trousers is anything to go by, one may be slightly more immediate, and I don’t know what to do. Julian seems to expect me to take the lead and I don’t know how. I just want him, in every way he wants me, and I want him to know that regardless of my stumbling.

“I think whatever we have is going to be special anyway.” I draw my fingers through the gentle curls at the back of his head. “You don’t have to show off for me.”

He blinks. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re enough on your own.” I kiss him once more, light and gentle, and hold his face in my hands. “I want you to be you.”

His skin is growing flushed again. I’ve already gotten used to him being cool to the touch, but now he’s warm, so warm, like stone in sunlight. Maybe he’s the sun itself: if I could put him at the center of my world, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

“Reyja…” he repeats. I love the sound of my name in his voice. “I shouldn’t ask this of you, but, please, I want to show you how much I... I don't want to wait for, ah... Can I? Can we?”

I close my eyes and lean into him. He's so cute when he's flustered. A moment of clarity flashes through my mind, sharpened by the desire in his voice and the pound of my heart, echoing his. This is it, isn't it? “I want you to ask.”

Julian shudders, his lips meeting mine while his large, strong hands smooth down my sides. The next moment, we’re moving, spinning back to his desk. His ragged breath is punctuated only by scraps of curses, moans that end too soon when he swallows them down to kiss me again. I’m lifted onto the desktop, a stack of books tumbling to the floor as he sweeps them out of the way. I wrap my legs around his hips and bring him even closer.

At this moment, it doesn’t matter that he’s a fugitive. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been tasked with hunting him down. It doesn’t matter that he has unanswered questions, or a murderer’s brand, or the crushing weight of guilt for something he may not have actually done. The man in my arms belongs there and I belong in his. Call me naïve, but nothing has ever felt this right.

“Oh, how did I think I was going to live without you?” Julian asks breathlessly in one of the moments we part. “How could I have possibly thought that I would be able to move on? It seems so strange, to be so certain that we-- ha, I don’t even know your last name!”

“North,” I murmur into the side of his neck.

“Reyja North,” he says. “It’s music to my ears, my darling.”

“Julian Devorak. Like grape juice and salted caramels.”

He laughs. “I’ve certainly been compared to worse.”

He's rocking against me in a primal rhythm. I’m not sure he even realizes he’s doing it. Pinned between his thigh and mine, his erection throbs with a mind of its own. Feeling bold, I take hold of a handful of his hair and tip his head back. He hisses between his teeth, a flash of ecstasy lighting up his face before his eye rolls and he shivers in delight.

“That’s just how your name tastes. I can’t wait to find out how _you_ taste.”

He meets my gaze for only a moment, his mouth fallen open. Then he squeezes his eye shut as, between us, his cock jumps. I didn’t realize he was so near the edge, but when I look down, thick milk-white cum is spilling from just below his belt through the fabric of his pants.

“No, no, no!" he groans, like he thinks he can stop it. “Oh no! Oh, I’m so sorry! I— You— I didn’t mean to—”

I’ve never seen anything so arousing. I made him do that, just by kissing him and giving him something to rub against. Just by saying a few words, I made him lose control. 

Poor Julian is still stammering over an apology, but I silence him with my lips on his. He resists for only a moment, then, overwhelmed, returns my embrace. I can feel his cock softening already.

I pause, letting my legs drop from his hips. He looks at me trepidatiously, burning with embarrassment and desire in equal measure. 

“That was so hot.”

He wasn’t expecting that. “It… it was?”

I palm him and smile at the mess I find. That should serve as a good answer.

He laughs, relieved but wild, and reels me in for another kiss. “Oh, Reyja, I’m so happy you said that! I’ve, ah, I’ve gotten into trouble before, like this. Ahem. Truly, you’re one in a—”

Until now, I’ve forgotten where we are and what we’re supposed to be doing. For all I care, we’re the only two people left in Vesuvia. Everything comes crashing back into my mind at once when I hear a thump on the elaborate library door and, to my horror, the faint murmur of voices outside. 

Fuck.

Julian hears them a moment after I do and turns gray. He steps back to survey the damage, paling even more the longer he looks at the creamy stains smeared across his thigh. I’ve never seen him speechless, but he shoots a glance at me as I hop down from his desk that says more than he ever could have in the handful of seconds we have to spare.

Because one of the voices in the hall belonged to Portia, but the other was Nadia. And she was asking to be let in.


End file.
